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Mystery Solved? The Truth about Dr. Wheeler

November 09, 2023
By Belle Schuttloffel, edited by Eileen Peppiatt

     Dr. Wheeler was a beloved Chelsea teacher, well known for his Scottish accent and love of history. He came to the school in 2021 and quickly became a favorite of students and faculty alike, despite the fact that he hated Lucky Charms. In August of 2023, however, disaster struck. Innocent Chelsea students entered the history classroom on their first day, only to discover the resident Brit was missing! Furious and heartbroken, these Wheeler enthusiasts attempted to find out where their favorite teacher had gone, but the faculty was mysteriously tight-lipped about Dr. Wheeler’s absence. The students were eventually forced to drop the matter, settling into despair, but I - your courageous author - have chosen to step up, no matter what harm may befall me. I intend to uncover the truth: what really happened to Dr. Wheeler.

     Chelsea students usually know more than they let on, so first I went to Cecelia Lyons for answers. A loud sort of gal, she seemed sure of her theory and immediately replied, “He’s on a quest to the North Pole to try to fulfill his dream job of becoming a Santa’s elf.” This was a logical option because we know that Dr. Wheeler is, in fact, a leprechaun, so it would not be a difficult transition for him to become an elf - who knows, he may even return this December when Santa comes around. Next I interviewed Keira Thomas, a junior who was confident that the good doctor was working undercover as a Buckingham Palace guard so he could overthrow the British. A probable answer, because we all know how much the Irish (Scottish?) hate the Brits. Besides, Dr. Wheeler once darkly hinted that he had plans of that sort: “My career is built on murder”. Another student, Connor Taggert who is a senior, poor fellow, rumors that he got deported. Still not satisfied with the answers across the board, I cornered Ms. Garcia, a close friend of Dr. Wheeler’s. Keeping it short and sweet, though a bit suspicious, she simply replied “potato famine” and refused to elaborate. Mystified, intrigued, and still uncertain of who to trust with my burning question, I ventured down to Mr. DeJak’s office - who I was certain knew the truth since he’s at the top of the Chelsea pyramid. This, dear reader, was the end of the line for me. Either I would be dragged away in chains for my invasive and dangerous questions, or I would emerge victorious with the truth. Knees shaking but head held high, I knocked on the door and was quietly, kindly welcomed in by the headmaster. After listening politely to my question, he answered me with the most serious, straight-faced expression I'd ever seen. “I know the truth,” he said slowly. To my extreme surprise and delight, he proceeded to explain. “Dr. Wheeler,” he continued, honesty plainly written on his face, “joined the circus troop he used to perform for - they made an offer he couldn't refuse. So now he's traveling the globe, getting blown out of cannons.”

     As you can imagine, dear reader, I was in shock. Astounded. Flabbergasted. I felt that I, along with all Chelsea students, had been hornswoggled. Of all the theories I had heard, this was the most absurd. Yet I knew our trustworthy headmaster would never deceive me or lead me astray. So it is out of my own volition - not out of fear or coercion - that I set down my pen and conclude our journey. We wish Dr. Wheeler the best and hope he does well in the circus.

1 Yes, I know he’s Irish.
2  In his own words: “Lucky Charms are just diabetes in a bowl”.

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